hey guys...no doubt blogging came suddenly to me..but I used to write a lot during my engineering..this post of mine is from my old collection. I generally prefer writing when I m sad or in a very different mood..so u will always find tht shrouded touch of my thoughts in my writings...this poem was written when two most important persons in my life were not beside me.. n I was goin through a tough phase..so jes pen down wht I felt...hope its not tht depressig..though I knw it is..but thts me wen I m way too Sad :)
Life for me has been full of experiences,
Some which were cheerful n some,full of grievances.
When I try to find answers of sorrows,
All I have is sight of Blank tomorrows.
My past offers me tears of pain,
I wish I could come out, but in vain.
Like others me too deserves to be happy n gay,
To live in the colors of love n Care.
But seldom do I find Someone Listening to my heart,
Left alone is my lonliness, tearing me apart.
For Days and nights I wait n Pray,
To lit up my life through the brightest Ray.
When I now look for things, I deserve,
What I get is ,some explanations n terms.
Relationships for me were so one sided,
Me Waiting, Me giving n still left unanswered.
The stage of my life is now so empty,
Where characters I want are always so anti.
I wish I have all I missed, Those years of my life,
I wanted to cherish.
I pray to God to end this phase,to have some people who set ablaze,
The FIRE of Joy, The SPRING of Love...
And above all the things I Deserve.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
This contemporary Look!!!
Well Well finally I made up my mind to actually Blog...n this is all coz of a nautanki named Mr. Gemini.... who left no option other than to continue with this...I am not as good as him..neither at writing nor at complementing..but it was really nice to get a well created blog for myself as a gift :-) so, eventually I posted some of my previous writings....hopefully I can carry this forward.
Who knows........ few years down the line google people might approach me to add this blog site to the first search page of the most famous Blog writers.....he he he he...jes kidding... jes pampering myself in order to continue.....
Who knows........ few years down the line google people might approach me to add this blog site to the first search page of the most famous Blog writers.....he he he he...jes kidding... jes pampering myself in order to continue.....
A surge of Thoughts!!!!!
1st August:-Wednesday
Well..nothing else to do, MCIS class- don’t ask Way too boring, hence thought of just juggling with words. After a long- break, me writing something…Gosh!! what a boring presentation going on…I don’t know what is the use of coming to class………………..
eh ha…attendance of course. Didn’t get a proxy this time as well..Bad luck L
Today I am feeling a bit different. Don’t want to write the old stuff, day’s happening, but just some thoughts crossings my mind. Since few weeks me having a mix feeling of joy & sadness. Hell lot of mood swings and deep intense thoughts have kept me engrossed lately. Don’t know why, but my reverie level has reached a higher stage. I felt bad for things that hardly matters to others, I felt lonely when no one was bothered to notice it, I felt left out, I was worried for things that weren’t my type on friend’s part. I think I have developed a feeling of keeping things to myself a lot and at times it troubles me a lot. I know I can share with my close ones, but somehow I just don’t feel like, because even after sharing, I get an impression that I’ve not been understood. Ya I know sounding way too philosophical and cliché but this is what I feel. At times I feel happy about the friends
I have who care for me and as soon as I do that, something happens that wakes me up from that serene feeling and force me into a bleak atmosphere of being lonely and asks me to just be self-dependent.
Lately I have observed people being so different at different times. Its actually unpredictable and at times really difficult to digest. I know myself, as a person, my close ones, my frenz affects me a lot, 90% of my mood swings and behaviour is due to their day to day behaviour and I am actually trying to work it out. Eventually I am the one who keep thinking about the stuff that easily go unnoticed by others who are responsible for it.
I know I am a sensitive person but I was always able to strike a balance earlier between sensitivity and practicality, but these days, don’t know, just not able to.
Kriti called so many times..that is the best part, but still me ot able to come-up with effective expressive talks. Nowadays I feel that I should actually start writing about various situations and people’s behaviour during those situations (I hope and I know I can
Do tht in future J )
I am learning a lot, how a person can be so casual with things, how a person ca just ignore what happens around him/her so eeficiently. How when in group of friends, one can ignore someone near and dear to them ( so called) not in a great mood and enjoy themselves, how can a person who do not deserve even slightest of your sacrifice, your attention gets a big piece of cake and how can a friend change his/her priority for others who are not at all worth it???
Why always people who are wrong get right things?
This is sounding very depressing, but can’t help it, these thoughts are creeping in, everyday.
Jigyasa n me talk a lot these things and always lead to same conclusion in different ways.
Some people become important to you and you just can’t let it go and hence that hurts. Gosh!!! I can be so negative at times, but the fact is I always try to stay away from hurting anyone, to keep everyone around me HAPPY!!! Not trying to be modest but I actually try Hard, but then believe me its not at all easy. Anyways while writing all this I didn’t even realized that even the Q and A session is over and my group has already asked a question.
Ohhh I was so engrossed. This clumsy fellow has started taking the attendace by his own from yesterday, so o proxies, SAD !!! L Really Sad. Hey I talked to Pooja today, tried calling her yesterday after her senti message, but in vain, Today we had a half an hour talk and it was good hearing from her. She has made me feel so special lately that I actually wonder what I have done. I was always the same for her. But to be true,an amazing feeling …..Seriously. Friends for me are ‘THE PRIORITY’ and when you miss someone, when you are not together, when you are far off, you actually feel the pain and feel the importance of that person. I just hope I can always be there for my frenz whenever they need me, can’t see them sad. Okay now I should give-up, attendance is over and I can write more and more.
Lets see...
Gosh I know tough to handle the readings na....great going..thanks
Well..nothing else to do, MCIS class- don’t ask Way too boring, hence thought of just juggling with words. After a long- break, me writing something…Gosh!! what a boring presentation going on…I don’t know what is the use of coming to class………………..
eh ha…attendance of course. Didn’t get a proxy this time as well..Bad luck L
Today I am feeling a bit different. Don’t want to write the old stuff, day’s happening, but just some thoughts crossings my mind. Since few weeks me having a mix feeling of joy & sadness. Hell lot of mood swings and deep intense thoughts have kept me engrossed lately. Don’t know why, but my reverie level has reached a higher stage. I felt bad for things that hardly matters to others, I felt lonely when no one was bothered to notice it, I felt left out, I was worried for things that weren’t my type on friend’s part. I think I have developed a feeling of keeping things to myself a lot and at times it troubles me a lot. I know I can share with my close ones, but somehow I just don’t feel like, because even after sharing, I get an impression that I’ve not been understood. Ya I know sounding way too philosophical and cliché but this is what I feel. At times I feel happy about the friends
I have who care for me and as soon as I do that, something happens that wakes me up from that serene feeling and force me into a bleak atmosphere of being lonely and asks me to just be self-dependent.
Lately I have observed people being so different at different times. Its actually unpredictable and at times really difficult to digest. I know myself, as a person, my close ones, my frenz affects me a lot, 90% of my mood swings and behaviour is due to their day to day behaviour and I am actually trying to work it out. Eventually I am the one who keep thinking about the stuff that easily go unnoticed by others who are responsible for it.
I know I am a sensitive person but I was always able to strike a balance earlier between sensitivity and practicality, but these days, don’t know, just not able to.
Kriti called so many times..that is the best part, but still me ot able to come-up with effective expressive talks. Nowadays I feel that I should actually start writing about various situations and people’s behaviour during those situations (I hope and I know I can
Do tht in future J )
I am learning a lot, how a person can be so casual with things, how a person ca just ignore what happens around him/her so eeficiently. How when in group of friends, one can ignore someone near and dear to them ( so called) not in a great mood and enjoy themselves, how can a person who do not deserve even slightest of your sacrifice, your attention gets a big piece of cake and how can a friend change his/her priority for others who are not at all worth it???
Why always people who are wrong get right things?
This is sounding very depressing, but can’t help it, these thoughts are creeping in, everyday.
Jigyasa n me talk a lot these things and always lead to same conclusion in different ways.
Some people become important to you and you just can’t let it go and hence that hurts. Gosh!!! I can be so negative at times, but the fact is I always try to stay away from hurting anyone, to keep everyone around me HAPPY!!! Not trying to be modest but I actually try Hard, but then believe me its not at all easy. Anyways while writing all this I didn’t even realized that even the Q and A session is over and my group has already asked a question.
Ohhh I was so engrossed. This clumsy fellow has started taking the attendace by his own from yesterday, so o proxies, SAD !!! L Really Sad. Hey I talked to Pooja today, tried calling her yesterday after her senti message, but in vain, Today we had a half an hour talk and it was good hearing from her. She has made me feel so special lately that I actually wonder what I have done. I was always the same for her. But to be true,an amazing feeling …..Seriously. Friends for me are ‘THE PRIORITY’ and when you miss someone, when you are not together, when you are far off, you actually feel the pain and feel the importance of that person. I just hope I can always be there for my frenz whenever they need me, can’t see them sad. Okay now I should give-up, attendance is over and I can write more and more.
Lets see...
Gosh I know tough to handle the readings na....great going..thanks
lets c !!!!!!!!!
29th JUNE
Hey...jes felt like writing while reading the retail article...I have a presentation on wed..n I really wnt it to be gr8..this is one class I njoy attending,,strange na..classes n njoyment and tht too me :-) newys..listening to music aftr a long time wid my headphones..Aatif..kuch iss tarah...Awwwwwesome....
Dnt knw feeling bit awkward rite now..thr r some songs tht have a story..I knw I m sounding weird but they actually do.There are so many relations that change wid time..though you dnt wnt them to....but it jes happens..I m lucky to have atleast one relation that I knw will never change..wht ever happens...n thts Kriti n Me...I really miss her..she is one person who knows me in n out. There are times when I jes wnt sumone to be thr wid me..to understand me widout...... me sayin anything....though she is not tht mature..bt she actually cares for me..... I knw tht.
There are times wen i feel so very lonely...n thr is a pblm wid me...i cnt express my self wen I m upset..I jes cant...n thts the time wen I miss her d most. Even in front of her I never used to mention any reasons...but she was after my life...until n unless I tell her... she will keep bothering me through those stupid questions of hers. Actually she knows hw to get things out of me :-) Thank you God for giving me atleast one person whom I can trust blindly...Though I cnt write how I feel when I don't have neone to talk to..when I want her to be thr for me..coz she is the one who knows every bit of my life..those days when I was really tryin hard to stay happy...I still remember we use to jes sit quietly in our college garden for hours..she jes sitting beside me..saying nothing at all but still making me feel that "Amisha everything happens for good"...This was her pet Dailogue..coz in my case everything needed an explanation...Y Did it actually happen????? :-)
Well here at ICFAI things no doubt have taken a smooth swivel....n I was actually able to shroud many things tht were required.... in the nick of time. and I guess things are not that bad...infact better than wht I thought. I have made frenz..quite a lot of them...but still...dnt knw....
Things change so suddenly that you can never be sure of anything. Some things are so deeply instilled that I am really skeptical that...... will I be able to live upto the expectations of all...this is the time when I dont knw tht shud I be tizzy about the happenings or shud I be the way I am....Dad is really sweet I knw but I am a kind of person who cnt say No for anything so easily to my Pops.....n on the othr side of d coin Kriti is so excited about the happenings..nd she actually wants something to happen in near future...coz she thinks that the sooner I adapt the new things the better it is...she wants me to jes live in present..she is absolutely rite but I knw that once I have made up my mind I can stay wid it...but I knw she cares...lets c...I am actually nervous...Well shud I find one ????? :-) thrs one thing for sure I hv lost the decision power wen tht matter is concern....so its better to wait n watch....
Ya yestrday only one of my freind ws so shocked to know that I dnt have a boyfriend.....the expressions were AAAMazing!!!!!! she actually asked me thrice....asked me y am I always on phone then? Y I Have'nt chosen sumone frm the campus..nd I ws actually smiling...do I give an impression of having a boyfriend????? dnt know...well ppl do call me a person wid BIG Attitude....gud for me... :-)..n thy actually keep guessing things...its funny at times
Hey Princy di called today..she ws missing me...n even I wntd to talk to her since a week...but somehow it ws not happening....we talked for good 15-20 min....she is a sweet sis of mine...she actually share wid me each n evrything...be it nethin...n i knw she not even tell stuff to her elder sis...but to me...I njoy talkin to her...n she is getting married..I wish I can attend her marriage...n even..Pooja's marriage ....well well well...Marriages are in the environment...atleast for my near n dear ones.....gud gud...i love my family marriages...thy r anti depressant...dances..masti...hectic days....lovely...eh ehh...i knw gettin too excited..lets c hw many of them I miss n hw many I attend..
Also had a nice chat wid.. Swati di...touchwood..she is fine...n touchwood i have been blessed wid amzng cousins..thy all love me so much...chalo koi to hai..... :-) she too ws Missing me :-)
Was tryin to send some msgs thru IP...bt jes not wrkin...irritating....shud stop tryin now...newys wntd to write more..bt guess its enough for the day...hopefully i write better nxt time...I seriously dont knw..wht hs happened to my writin skill...kriti hoti thi tab hum dono likhte the....
I hope I'll improve...
Dinner time now...n a movie may be....chalo den cya.....wish to write again ...n no doubt better than dis...plz God...
Hey...jes felt like writing while reading the retail article...I have a presentation on wed..n I really wnt it to be gr8..this is one class I njoy attending,,strange na..classes n njoyment and tht too me :-) newys..listening to music aftr a long time wid my headphones..Aatif..kuch iss tarah...Awwwwwesome....
Dnt knw feeling bit awkward rite now..thr r some songs tht have a story..I knw I m sounding weird but they actually do.There are so many relations that change wid time..though you dnt wnt them to....but it jes happens..I m lucky to have atleast one relation that I knw will never change..wht ever happens...n thts Kriti n Me...I really miss her..she is one person who knows me in n out. There are times when I jes wnt sumone to be thr wid me..to understand me widout...... me sayin anything....though she is not tht mature..bt she actually cares for me..... I knw tht.
There are times wen i feel so very lonely...n thr is a pblm wid me...i cnt express my self wen I m upset..I jes cant...n thts the time wen I miss her d most. Even in front of her I never used to mention any reasons...but she was after my life...until n unless I tell her... she will keep bothering me through those stupid questions of hers. Actually she knows hw to get things out of me :-) Thank you God for giving me atleast one person whom I can trust blindly...Though I cnt write how I feel when I don't have neone to talk to..when I want her to be thr for me..coz she is the one who knows every bit of my life..those days when I was really tryin hard to stay happy...I still remember we use to jes sit quietly in our college garden for hours..she jes sitting beside me..saying nothing at all but still making me feel that "Amisha everything happens for good"...This was her pet Dailogue..coz in my case everything needed an explanation...Y Did it actually happen????? :-)
Well here at ICFAI things no doubt have taken a smooth swivel....n I was actually able to shroud many things tht were required.... in the nick of time. and I guess things are not that bad...infact better than wht I thought. I have made frenz..quite a lot of them...but still...dnt knw....
Things change so suddenly that you can never be sure of anything. Some things are so deeply instilled that I am really skeptical that...... will I be able to live upto the expectations of all...this is the time when I dont knw tht shud I be tizzy about the happenings or shud I be the way I am....Dad is really sweet I knw but I am a kind of person who cnt say No for anything so easily to my Pops.....n on the othr side of d coin Kriti is so excited about the happenings..nd she actually wants something to happen in near future...coz she thinks that the sooner I adapt the new things the better it is...she wants me to jes live in present..she is absolutely rite but I knw that once I have made up my mind I can stay wid it...but I knw she cares...lets c...I am actually nervous...Well shud I find one ????? :-) thrs one thing for sure I hv lost the decision power wen tht matter is concern....so its better to wait n watch....
Ya yestrday only one of my freind ws so shocked to know that I dnt have a boyfriend.....the expressions were AAAMazing!!!!!! she actually asked me thrice....asked me y am I always on phone then? Y I Have'nt chosen sumone frm the campus..nd I ws actually smiling...do I give an impression of having a boyfriend????? dnt know...well ppl do call me a person wid BIG Attitude....gud for me... :-)..n thy actually keep guessing things...its funny at times
Hey Princy di called today..she ws missing me...n even I wntd to talk to her since a week...but somehow it ws not happening....we talked for good 15-20 min....she is a sweet sis of mine...she actually share wid me each n evrything...be it nethin...n i knw she not even tell stuff to her elder sis...but to me...I njoy talkin to her...n she is getting married..I wish I can attend her marriage...n even..Pooja's marriage ....well well well...Marriages are in the environment...atleast for my near n dear ones.....gud gud...i love my family marriages...thy r anti depressant...dances..masti...hectic days....lovely...eh ehh...i knw gettin too excited..lets c hw many of them I miss n hw many I attend..
Also had a nice chat wid.. Swati di...touchwood..she is fine...n touchwood i have been blessed wid amzng cousins..thy all love me so much...chalo koi to hai..... :-) she too ws Missing me :-)
Was tryin to send some msgs thru IP...bt jes not wrkin...irritating....shud stop tryin now...newys wntd to write more..bt guess its enough for the day...hopefully i write better nxt time...I seriously dont knw..wht hs happened to my writin skill...kriti hoti thi tab hum dono likhte the....
I hope I'll improve...
Dinner time now...n a movie may be....chalo den cya.....wish to write again ...n no doubt better than dis...plz God...
First Hand Experience
hey....well today is...18th june..n i dont believe dis tht i m writin here...tht too wen i hv lost that apt skill....
basically its not my cup of tea to write it down on my laptop..
i m actually very skeptical about my writings being read by others....except few :-)
don't knw jes tryin my hand...if it wrks...gud for me...coz then i wont waste any more stationery :-)
To start wid the day.. good enough..went for the breakfast...n came bck early...n then got a msg 4m dad...had to check some mail...tht i did'nt want to...bt nehow...hd to...Many a times it becomes necessary to do things u dont feel like...I can put it as Demand of Time...ha ha ha...well its difficult to laugh on unwanted things......ASK Me!!!!!...
Aftr doin tht formality....i ws actually in a serious mood....wnted to read sumthin good...bt ws not able to get the one I was lookin for...then i checked my yahoo mail...n for the frst time I actually read all my forwards (tht hd catchy subjects).... sent by my frenz n cousins....n aftr reading them i concluded tht thy wr Worth it.....then suru came in my room...n we actually njoyd readin them to the fullest....i actually laughed so much aftr a long long time...gud for me i knw....but thr are times wen u knw whts gud for u...still u dont feel like following them.....must say Life is never succinct....u have to get things out of it....
hey while reading my mails..i got to knw tht jigyasa, kriti n me....all in same section in soft skills...COOL na..we actually wntd to hv a common section...be it ne damm subject...well SOFT Skills...ehhhhhhh...dont knw hw mny classes will we attend togther...bt the feeling of bein in same section is finally thr....n haaan...jigyasa jumped n shouted to her glory on hearing this.....
Suddenly I got an online msg 4m ankur...tht my cell is cumin switched off....i thot must be some netwrk pblm...bt then evry third person ws sayin this wen i reached the mess for lunch....called customer care..bt in vain...then buddhi lagai...n then it strtd wrkin again....yippie...aftr tht thr ws line of msgs..one aftr the othr...got 10 msgs in a go...4m frenz n dad...who wr tryin to reach me...believe me tht msg tone ws actually soundin as a complete ring....but i felt gud....tht so many of them wr tryin to call me......I knwww.............. bit kiddish na..........bt tht ws the truth.....
Aftr lunch...attended the classes....Man tht MR class ws actually weird...as in...my name ws been called aftr evry 10 to 15 min....n it ws seriously embarassing to face those stares of my classmates....newys..dont want to discuss tht...
Aftr classes went to canteen....n then TP with Mr Gemini....hey hey...i really wnt to cntrl my tongue....as in.... the thing i m afraid of is letting my own self come out.....but something or the other happens...n i get carried away...
Its not tht i dont wnt to share or talk about my life...its jes tht...my past experience dont giv me tht courage to get into all tht again...i hv become a reticent person....n hv envisaged my present n future from my past...i knw its soundin creepy...bt thts how it is.....may be i m not able to put them into wrds properly....n this again shows tht my writin skills require some honing.......so nxt time b4 writin...hv to think twice......haina...
bus yaar...shud stop dis now...not goin tht well....jes to close it..had dinner...came bck to hostel...ws on phone...for an hr....then then thot of writin this crap...my
day 's happenings....while chattin wid my engg' coll professor....
chalo hv to stop here...gunjan's call....hope i will write better nxt time....
cya
wish to meet again...me n my thots wid dis kind of writing skills...ehhhhhhh..hmmmmmmmm...need a thot ...
chalo abhi gudnite...bye
basically its not my cup of tea to write it down on my laptop..
i m actually very skeptical about my writings being read by others....except few :-)
don't knw jes tryin my hand...if it wrks...gud for me...coz then i wont waste any more stationery :-)
To start wid the day.. good enough..went for the breakfast...n came bck early...n then got a msg 4m dad...had to check some mail...tht i did'nt want to...bt nehow...hd to...Many a times it becomes necessary to do things u dont feel like...I can put it as Demand of Time...ha ha ha...well its difficult to laugh on unwanted things......ASK Me!!!!!...
Aftr doin tht formality....i ws actually in a serious mood....wnted to read sumthin good...bt ws not able to get the one I was lookin for...then i checked my yahoo mail...n for the frst time I actually read all my forwards (tht hd catchy subjects).... sent by my frenz n cousins....n aftr reading them i concluded tht thy wr Worth it.....then suru came in my room...n we actually njoyd readin them to the fullest....i actually laughed so much aftr a long long time...gud for me i knw....but thr are times wen u knw whts gud for u...still u dont feel like following them.....must say Life is never succinct....u have to get things out of it....
hey while reading my mails..i got to knw tht jigyasa, kriti n me....all in same section in soft skills...COOL na..we actually wntd to hv a common section...be it ne damm subject...well SOFT Skills...ehhhhhhh...dont knw hw mny classes will we attend togther...bt the feeling of bein in same section is finally thr....n haaan...jigyasa jumped n shouted to her glory on hearing this.....
Suddenly I got an online msg 4m ankur...tht my cell is cumin switched off....i thot must be some netwrk pblm...bt then evry third person ws sayin this wen i reached the mess for lunch....called customer care..bt in vain...then buddhi lagai...n then it strtd wrkin again....yippie...aftr tht thr ws line of msgs..one aftr the othr...got 10 msgs in a go...4m frenz n dad...who wr tryin to reach me...believe me tht msg tone ws actually soundin as a complete ring....but i felt gud....tht so many of them wr tryin to call me......I knwww.............. bit kiddish na..........bt tht ws the truth.....
Aftr lunch...attended the classes....Man tht MR class ws actually weird...as in...my name ws been called aftr evry 10 to 15 min....n it ws seriously embarassing to face those stares of my classmates....newys..dont want to discuss tht...
Aftr classes went to canteen....n then TP with Mr Gemini....hey hey...i really wnt to cntrl my tongue....as in.... the thing i m afraid of is letting my own self come out.....but something or the other happens...n i get carried away...
Its not tht i dont wnt to share or talk about my life...its jes tht...my past experience dont giv me tht courage to get into all tht again...i hv become a reticent person....n hv envisaged my present n future from my past...i knw its soundin creepy...bt thts how it is.....may be i m not able to put them into wrds properly....n this again shows tht my writin skills require some honing.......so nxt time b4 writin...hv to think twice......haina...
bus yaar...shud stop dis now...not goin tht well....jes to close it..had dinner...came bck to hostel...ws on phone...for an hr....then then thot of writin this crap...my
day 's happenings....while chattin wid my engg' coll professor....
chalo hv to stop here...gunjan's call....hope i will write better nxt time....
cya
wish to meet again...me n my thots wid dis kind of writing skills...ehhhhhhh..hmmmmmmmm...need a thot ...
chalo abhi gudnite...bye
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