I Fall n I pick myself...I despair yet I believe...yeah tough one

When things are out of your control n u feel so helpless believe me it pains. Even if u try hard to smile u can’t.

I thought I would not be able to handle the stress and have to compromise for things that means a lot to me…but finally I succeeded having a middle path….confused???? Well to be very frank even I don’t know how to put it…Okie lemme try!!!!

I realized that I was moving towards things that would lead me nowhere….n was being extremely negative, was not ready to accept things which were so obvious and made so very clear by others all the time….. coz certain things when u don’t get even after asking for It ( when it should not be asked for) they are not meant for u…or I can put it like this its easier when you accept things ….Its easier said than done believe me….

I was awfully upset for last few days :( was trying to come over things that were piling up for so long and came as a flank to me. I was trying to figure out Y always me?? Sounds cliché but this question is the first one to creep in your mind when things don’t work the way you want them to. It was not placements !!!!! It was something else that was bothering me.
Tough to explain…but one thing I realized for sure; that in all this crap, this sentimental traumas, mood swings I had lost myself, my priorities, my interest and that too for those who don’t even……well want to fill up the blank but I guess its fine like that :)
I was happy enough to have a penchant for everything I do, be it painting, singing, dancing, writing, cooking, sports, talking etc etc…you name it n I can do it…or atleast tried a hand on it ( writing this boosts up my morale :)) but I don’t remember the time when I motivated myself to pursue them as passionately as I used to….My frenz called me chatar patar, mirchi, nautanki n wht not…but lately realized that coz of too much analysis n not allowing this to let go…..I was becoming a completely different person…
It is said that – More you run after things more they run from you…n that’s true…I have to allow things to happen…to face them n to avoid things which are not worth giving a thought or time…..It took me some time but I learnt that its not always important to be right in every aspect…n you should not keep yourself so bounded always…..mann hai to hai….

You should have seen me few days back…I was Quiet, n tensed…didn’t even spoke to my near n dear ones, wanted to but did’nt…not even followed my schedule….and was thinking hw does it makes a difference to anyone…how does it matter?? everyone is busy with their chores…but that matters…n if not to anyone… to me it does…….I wanted to figure out things…n I needed time…till yesterday I was trying way too hard…..Thanks to Ms Kriti Palawat…she has all ears for me..to support me out n out…..I have started being myself for a change…after a long time….its quite possible that people around me must me thinking what a weirdo…till yesterday she was not even responding properly and today all happy n gay…but trust me it took a lot of effort…a LOT means a LOT…

Bhai called up today…n he read my blogs ..he was like…"di do u write only when u r upset????…coz this is not u" :) He said…can’t u apply Jo Hoga Dekha Jayega wala attitude…. Well he was trying to explain his part…cute :) ….n that answered my question….
May be things not taking a right turn, but you can make them turn the rite way through your thoughts…..and your attitude….
No more trials no more if’s….jes being myself will help me…I know…..
I should write often…not only when I m upset…coz I guess my Bro will get upset then; he he he…He actually sounded concerned…for her elder sis …well good for me…will soon post another one…something there in my mind….till the time come….u all njoy….cya...

The Writing phase leading to Phrases

18 Nov 07

Jes wrote some phrases....time pass u c


1) A line that is drawn between friendship and relationship has no dimension if even one of them does not know the geometry of emotions.


2) Life for me has been so kind, always being so mysterious, leaving everything for me to explore.


3) Love, can never be expressed when there is fear of denial and can never be felt when there is fear of self-denial/prudence/caution.


4) An emotional person is successful in the ever lasting phase of life called RELATIONS.