Uncertain is the Word!!!!

Hey

First of all I am posting after more than a year..... so u must guess; how busy was I, struggling wid the happenings around me.... but even today I have nothing to share in terms of good memories!!!
And I generally post when I am tooooo low... n trust me... today is jes one of the last 8 months of such a mind state!!!

I know it sounds so depressing... but trust me... life or may b 2009 was full of too many Ups and Downs ... sinusoidal but the positives were less and negatives were more!!! ( I am not a very negative person but sometimes u r forced to be one. You jes cant keep up the spirit all the time)

On work front... wooshhhhhh I had the most hectic schedules anyone can.. hell lotta travelling, pangas with the xyzzz ( the official heads ofcourse) and the marriage bonanza which ended like the nail in the coffin...
I quit my Job willingly and till date I dont think I did something wrong, neither do I regret.... but there are times when I jes cant take those questions and looks from people....

Well to recall ( BTW my memory and my writing skill all have gone for a toss... I need practice) My dental treatment got over and FULLY completed after long sessions of pain in April.... n then other session of pain started... which looked beautiful in the beginning but Boss it shook me off and made me numb!!!

After lot of convincing and personal evaluation I was mentally ready to take on the guy-meeting and marriage thing.... he was the second guy I was meeting, the first one was as good as null n void.... n to my surprise it clicked.... inspite of his 'lack of basic courtesies', inspite of lack of any clarity in my mind, inspite of not knowing the outcome... something clicked... I till date dont know what!!!

My Bill paying saga on our first dinner generated another meeting wid him (he wanted to cover up.. which was justified), which was our one of the bestest meeting out of 8 we had till September... which includes phone calls, though not very often but surely ones which showed that we are starting caring for each other... My contribution was always at the higher side....

Someone who seemed as a very different person, not following basic rules of calling back when seeing a miss call, showing some surety in the decision and to top the list was the Family's behavior that made us all think.... We a family of 5, all very closely bonded... n they family of 4 but the so long bond was weird... we ended up with a family tussle where I dont think even he knows what was the reality

One fine day during Diwali hols... the chord broke... n the Guy with whom I wished it should have never clicked went away wid all answers and questions... cant even express the anger, the pain, the dearth of humanity they portrayed...

His thoughts still haunt me.... I will sound filmy but I always think of Jab We Met scene... I wanted to call him and talk to him and ask him What the heck??? wanted to ask him.... do u even understand what this is? Will you ever be able to stay happy like this but I guess he is capable of ignoring everything.... every feeling that he faintly showed or pretended to have... n must be staying somewhere happily!!!! Good for him and hopefully good for me and my parents!!!

Then came my job quitting... I was jes not able to take it...not the guy thing but the work place sucked... n i thought i deserve something better, God has not asked me to punish myself staying there!! I wanted to come and stay wid my folks.. to handle them but altogether after keeping so many things in my mind and heart I ended up feeling sick for myself and at times PITY... yes.... I know it sounds like I am such a frail human but trust me... I m still proud of the fact that after all this I didnt end up getting married to any other jes a good guy.... I met another one, very caring, very honest, good family, but when we met it was nothing, nothing at all!!!! 3 hours face to face were the most difficult ones than an hr of telephonic conversation 2-3 times in a week... so I felt sad for him... I felt terrible, I felt guilty, but I felt I was true to him and to me... and kudos to him he understood..

Today when I evaluate... am I doing the rite thing? Am I going overboard for a marriage thing... is it over shadowing my well - being???

Its tough... to keep my parents at bay from worrying... to answer stupid questions of the Relatives.... to stay away from people whom u want to be in touch... to share, to be happy....

Now can u see the pattern!!! X wants Y but cant, Z wants X but X wants something else and then equation of life is never balanced!!! :)

Present situation, no job, no future, still thinking how and when??

and yes.... in between all this... there was shifting of house in mumbai with our luggage in truck for a night, ending up fighting with the broker, make shift arrangement and ending up into a house full of fake promises.. no water, no mirror :) ( we girls need it Man!!!) and me having a 'not any more' relationship with my bestest friend... and well last but not the least diagnosis of a TB to yet another person important in my life!!!!
Sessions of interviews and meetings for new job... leading a nomad's life... and then still waiting for something to materialize...

There are days when I am blank, wondering... when will I see the rays of hope and light
There are times when I envy those who did nothing to have the pleasures of life
And today is one of the days when I just cant see myself composed!!!!

Hope!!! Dont know how???

S [[ @TTERED and SH@TTERED

I would not make it a complicated post, neither a long one, let’s comes directly to the point. I m feeling “LOST” completely scattered and spaced out. Reasons:

1) The dilemma of choosing what’s right and what’s wrong in my personal life.
2) The pain of the dental treatment, which I thought would be a normal one, but it became complicated, so much so, that I had to take a week’s off.
3) The mental fatigue- due to thinking on issues that are beyond my control.
4) My cook- who left us, n we trying to figure out a way to handle stuff with a lazy flat mate.
5) Last but not the least, the most important one- discovering something that shook me from within. For few it’s just a casual thing, without a thought but for few, it means a world. Sounding vague?????? But I know what it is.

How will you feel when you come to know that the most important thing suddenly becomes a matter of “time”, or meager?
Things aren’t looking too great for me at this point of time, but I am not losing hope. I know there are better things waiting for me. There are times when you think that everything is just not worth it, just not required. It’s like a bird in the cage, its like waiting for the first light, of the dawn.
The emptiness is agonizing but still it has to be taken well.
There are few people who have the right to disturb you in a positive and a negative way, and on the other hand there are few people who can just by their mere mention make you feel so infuriating. I know that one should not allow the later ones to affect them so much, but sometimes it just cannot be ignored.
How can someone get away with everything, they do??? This female has no self respect for herself, neither from others nor from her supposedly close ones, but still manages to get away in a smooth way. I think this is a good quality but I personally don’t want to learn. Learning at times can be so dangerous. It’s better to survive alone rather than with a set of people who are a Shame to themselves or to others. Lot of things said and done, the only thing I want is that, this female should not get a reward for even her failures (as a person) and blunders with others this time atleast. It’s important to Show people that YOU ARE WRONG, and you CANNOT just LET GO everything according to your own whims and fancies.

Am I over reacting??? I guess I am not.
Life is a learning- experience curve. Things do take a complete circle. You begin with nothing, a point, then you move along with it and after something you find that you are on the same starting point. How funny, but it’s true, and at times seems a waste of effort and time.


P.S: this post is just a source to throw my annoyance. Please don’t make conclusions.

A LONG TR@VELL!NG M0NTH !!!!

Well ya..I know that I am writing after a long long time….but its okie….Had a busy schedule..travelling to places…and as always office work load…

But today…its unlike as always J I have not much work to do..hey wait a minute..will not elaborate on this as to why..because my past experience says…tht Dare if I say I have not much work… n work finds my desk….so after a long week of 3 presentations by our team..which was by the way….up to the mark….this Friday we have a right to be F ahem ahem…I am not writing that Word…Which starts with F …a four letter word….hmmmmmm…don’t think craap..okie…but its end with E…. :)
The time I posted the last one…a lot of things have changed…..now don’t even know how to give a brief about all that ( see I am learning the tricks of the trade…this word is so so very often used at my workplace that it has now found its place in my normal conversation as well)

Let me begin with things I remember the most….after the filed training…there was another training…at All India Level..called DIVA from 31st Aug to 6th Sep…a lavish stay at a 5 star…Retreat for a week..with colleagues from Delhi and Bangalore…with pool of which we never measured the depth…a beach that was stinking and I didn’t dare to go…
But ya, there were assignments….SALSA ( jes four steps though ), and a Gala Dinner…the fun part….Wow…how much I ate in that one week….gosh….to start with..a soup, some salad then starters….( which was most of the time papri chaat ) then the main course, then desserts ( cheese cakes, muffins, fruit creams, sweets etc etc..) n then mouth freshner….so you see a wholesome meal…in proper order with fork n knife…so…that was something !!!!
After comin from them, I was not able to digest even the light home made food…so was down wid a stomach ache…kisne kaha tha bhar bhar ke khane ko, jaise kabhi mila na ho…bt its okie….it happens…

Then I went to Tirupati…wid by dear ones :) and that was my best trip ever…it was a package tour, and the darshan was Awesome…you feel so peaceful and calm as soon as you enter the temple premises…there was a long queue, but its worth waiting, that too with your close ones around and the most powerful “Govinda” calling you. There was loud chanting of the name Govinda Govinda, n my friends (ahem ahem- they’ll get the message) joined the crowd!!!! The temple is Huge, well maintained and gosh well managed, so much so, that in spite of a crowd of more than 8 to 10 thousand people, there is no stampede, no partiality in giving prasad and everyone will atleast get a glimpse of “ God Tirupati” at least for 7-10 secs. Not to forget, the guide was really helpful and patient…I found him cute enough to be caring for all of us, in spite of the language barrier. (Gujarati’s, Northi’s n Southi’s all were there to make it difficult- remember it was a package)


The bus trip, the stay, the food all was good…and above all the feeling was inexplicable….the breeze was so pure and chilling when the weather was full of moisture, there was a serene feeling at Tirumala…the curves of the road, the vastness of the place could make you feel so minuscule in front of the Mother nature.

Then it was another ‘Wave episode’ at Pondicherry….yes my next destination where Mother Nature was at her best…. We went to three beaches…n the waves were beautiful…they were listening to me when I challenged them to go high….so much so that when I took a chance to go near them they took me along…thank God I was holding my friend….so the moral of the story is…don’t try to act smart…and challenge the powerful!!!!!

Those four days were most memorable days of my life…I ate lot of Dosa’s and Idli’s but I liked them. We thought Booze at Pondicherry will be just a phone call away…but the ones who wanted to be tipsy, didn’t even got a drop of it ( ha ha ha ha ) coz when there is availability there is time constraint…..I mean after 11 p.m you cannot get booze…and before 11 the next morning again u cant get it ( and so we ended up having nothing- a booze so cheap, so rare, was now not there)

After this wonderful wonderful trip…I came back to Mumbai meri jaan…n was welcomed by loads n loads of work, bad health, and a work trip to Delhi, having 103 degree temperature, acute throat infection n was on liquid or a whole week…WOW…what an end to the trip sessions, and sad beginning of my Bday week.
This week I was improving but the state was still sad…better than worse but still bad. Didn’t go to any place for dinner, neither took my friends out, and weeks passed, I improved but the work pressure pulled me In…..so till date my friends curse me for not treating them…uff…aur karcha, mumbai eats a lot of money yaar!!!!!!

So this was an eventful Bday month for me, I got lots of gifts so I can spare that illness week :)
Chalo there are lot of breaks happening in between, office is a place of work breaks, u break n everything else breaks….told you I am Free, but then came some work, n my insightful writing got interrupted, jealous people, they know I am Good…Anyways, self appraise is not that great always…
Everytime I start writing I feel I should keep posting frequently, but here I go again…yeh kuch dino ka bukhar hota hai bus :) hope to maintain a normal temperature…I know a bad one, but its okie..

L@Te$T Le@rn!ngs !!!

What two weeks man!!!!!! Want to know y??? Well they were my training weeks; I joined in May and had my training now. I joined a month before the official joining, reason I have already mentioned in my previous post :) If we look from my prospective I didn’t need this FIELD training at all, but our system is designed as such that whatever we think we don’t need will be asked by them to Do.
What was the training all about?
My arena of work: Research executive who is responsible for technically doing in-depth interviews and Focus GD with the target groups of the client for their product development and new launches.
Field Training: A training module where I have to go in field, to corporates and households and take appointments for the interviews and ask them to fill questionnaires…..
Now do these RELATE????
- I guess they do, for my profile; I ask the field office and people to make recruitments (find correct respondents) for the interviews that will be done by us - the researchers.
- If I am at level 4 and they are at level 3, then I should know how the work is done at level 3.
Exactly, I have to work for level 3 in the field training. Okie, taken, but do I need to do at their conditions, SORRY boss I won’t.
The aim of training should be to teach you the way difficult things are done. But the irony is that the field personnel never took it that way. Their aim was to make us feel that see how difficult is the job “ WE DO” and you have to admit it by saying it “ how u guys handle this?”.
But I don’t agree to this, everyone’s job is difficult at their own level, it’s the way u take it and do it but that does not mean that u make it illogical just to make others feel the level of difficulty. To make their lives terrible by asking them to find someone who uses a credit card, he should be minimally educated, a salesperson etc. They wanted us to feel the pain of travelling and wandering in search of respondents.
We did that as well, but their basics and intentions were wrong. They should have asked us to do difficult job in a planned way but not to make a simple job difficult unnecessarily by adding their frustration that they have with researchers.
During classroom sessions we were told that qualitative researchers are not liked by the field personnel…. May I ask why?
- Because they are asked to do their job, to recruit according to the client requirement???
Well that is what your job is, isn’t it???? And if you can’t do that as well then you don’t have the right to be there.
You talk about the difficulty level; you can take a researcher’s job and see how easy it is??? You’ll come to know how you have to fulfill all the clients requirements by not evening uttering their needs in front of respondents, here we are atleast specifying you their requirements, and Boss if you were as good as US, then you would have been their at our place and not here. I am not making an outrageous statement here, nor do I want to, the only thing I mean to say is that everybody’s job is as difficult and tricky as the other but you don’t have to make it dirty to prove it to others.
In all we were not treated well, they showed us the wrong attitude, their frustrations, their irrational behavior, their supercilious statements and their sarcastic looks and smile. But still they could not rule us!!!!
We worked and learned that was essential and required, we went to field taking appointments and got them as well. The first week was taken by us as a SPORT, but it became crooked when they objected with we using their conference room, and we taking lunch and such miniscule things, gosh what a level, that pissed us all, coz that was the room we were asked to use, n lunch was from the canteen. They made some unacceptable comments and then we decided, to do things Our Way. The training was about to get over, only a day left, thank god it became dirty in the end :)
Actually can’t blame them for their mentality, they know that they can be bossy with us this time around and they are feeling proud of it. But this could be done with a lot more sophistication. Anyways you always learn better the hard ways. Lets see what’s there for the last day in store for us, will they get more crappy or will they just use some harsh statements to end or the least expected will end it happily :)
My Learnings : stepwise
- Be calm in the initial days; get a feel of what the other person wants from you.
- Try to do it in the best possible ways till the work is logical and inspirational ( now here logical is not only from our prospective but from the project and study prospective)
- Don’t let the work get on your nerves and force u to react in an undesirable manner.
- Be cool and try to make them understand that they can’t force us to do crap.
- If still they are stubborn don’t give a damn and enjoy what you are doing.
By the way I took a very basic level interview (questionnaire filling types) with the group head of one of the biggest financial company and I enjoyed it. She was pretty decent enough to have the patient to keep answering the repetitive questions and telling me in the end,” I don’t know how and why I said YES to this appointment, I usually don’t entertain these kinds of surveys”. Now that is where I prove myself. Anything else required Mr. Field Controller. Do hell with anything else what matters is the fact that We can do your job in a better way but u can’t even think of trying your hand on ours. Am I getting mean? To be frank I don’t care. All I can say is that people will not remember you for what you are or what you’ve done, but they will remember you for what u have made them FEEL.
I m actually looking forward for tomorrow’s day happenings ;)
By the way I am watching Pearl harbor, my all time favorite, and may be that is the reason I was so very motivated all through my post :)

Njoy!!!!!

R@!n & P@!N

Today I am at office sitting dull n feeling grumpy. Don’t know, not feeling too great. May be it’s the weather effect. So I thought of scribbling down some thoughts

It’s raining like cats n dogs here in Mumbai n I am actually having a scary feeling when I came to know that it will stay like this till October. its painful yaar. Gosh its stinky n dirty n irritating if it rains 24 * 7 and you can’t enjoy it coz you need to cross those dirty areas trying to make a way only if you are good enough at the MATRIX STUNTS – by NEO, coz while crossing the roads in between those BEST buses and Auto walas in a hurry to touch the finish line (that is only visible to them n is for them) makes you run for your life.
But still it’s not your school anymore, you need to reach office on time whether its raining or not raining, whether you want to or not, but I guess its part n parcel of the phases of life that comes and go. You need to adapt.

Work life is so different. Me enjoying the kind of change it brought to my life n schedule. The way of planning things has drastically changed. Running for our own needs all alone and making an effective plan for every penny you spent to keep track of things, Man it’s different. Now Dad “a banker provided to every child by God” is no longer our instant cashier or ATM. But it feels good to be independent monetarily and to manage our own resources. Its feel great when you’ve been addressed as MAM from different people at different levels, when you’ve been asked for your distinctive opinion and when your opinion matters.

I attended a SUPER GROUP on Saturday at a five star hotel called Renaissance. It was a good experience. I notice that it’s not that easy to have a creative bent of mind. Supergroup is a kind of discussion where the participants are asked to be creative about designing a concept of the product under discussion and there is fun, khana peena and friendly atmosphere. The participants or super groupers as professionally called are people from various walks of life who are creative. Met some big shots ;) It was a mix an match of people from different arenas, one was an enthusiastic old age housewife aunty, who was good enough to give explanations for all the queries raised and other was 23 yr old female who was been congratulated for her first job. Some one was as handsome as Farhan Akhtar and other one was as funny as a clown who keeps on rolling on the floor and missing his beer.
We discussed their transformation phases in life, there view on different perspectives that will help our clients to analyze their point of view which will help them further in their research. So a concealed way of letting your opinions help your product being designed.
Now this is Creative and qualitative.


This was Saturday, and now a day gone by, so not at all a feeling of weekend will sweep in. Sunday a day should be renamed as Loafday where you feel like lazing around and nothing else. We wet for a movie SARKAR RAJ… dnt know about others but I find it resistable Atleast it’s once a watch. To be frank I don’t like people who go into the nitty gritties and logics of every scene in the movie, come on it’s for your entertainment and fantasies, don’t try to be a detailist you can discuss it, but to be upset with it is like ehhhhhhhh….
So all three of us, Mr nagar, Suicide n me went to Mcdonald and then were loitering around for some while. The clouds were shouting on us, ‘ pls pls go home so that I can pour as much as we want’, so as soon as all three of us reached Home it started raining like crazy n all our shopping plans went in danger. But yup we were safe.

Then nothing we were lazing around made some poha n soup n was YUMMY!!!!!! Fought and then wahi sab TP. So over all it was an eventful day.

Today morning it was raining badlyyyyyy n we got out early to be on the safer side but in vain, we still could not reach early as the trains got late, rain Hang over ;) I guess. people calling left right n centre asking about our well being, coz news channels are there to make it THE MONSOON STORM, a hype. " Mumbai drenched " but guys it always do, haan but the media is highly active now :) more than required.

Nweys reached office on time, but was busy only for two hrs, n ab vallieee, waitin for the right resources to do my work :)

Chalo yaar, got to continue with something , yeh office hai :)
cya

My Dr@matic n St@gy Stay in Mumbai- till now

Heyyyyy.. after a long long time.. well there were lot many events happening here n there, so was just not getting the hold on writing, wanted to but didn’t work. Anyways, better late than never.

Well where to start from. To tell u the latest shot in my life, its my JOB, yes finally I’ve been enrolled as a research executive in Research International Mumbai, though my official joining was from June 1st but some smart buggers got it preponded to May 5th, so I m not on a payroll abhi, hey hey that does not mean I wont get my salary, I will but will not be on papers :) dekha aate hi company mein do number ka kaam shuru..

But to be frank the feeling of working is soothing right now at least. I know most of you out there must be thinking how can she find working soothing? But come on ya, its my first experience n things are good to begin wid, n hope they stay the same. First 15 days in Mumbai…gosh don’t ask, they were traumatizing, may be I m using a less apt word, so u can guess that the experience was painful, but this is Mumbai meri jaan, you have to learn.
The city welcomed me with humid weather, searching for accommodation, looking for hostels, having my longest chit chat wid Mumbai brokers n TRAVELLING in that F***ng Local trains, with women shouting, climbing on you with a smile, saying ‘ thoda baju hone ka’ n then kicking you, pushing you, poking their elbow if you not listening to them. Those looks are yaiiikkkkkkkks, so very rude n ugly. N imagine in this lovely serene environment you have to stand throughout the journey of not less than one n a half hour, n let me make it clear that it is jes one side. This phenomenal journey was courtesy the high rates of flats in Mumbai n lack of rightful accommodation. To increase your general knowledge I must tell you that Real estates rates are second highest in Mumbai after Singapore in Asia, or may be in the world ( I would not be surprised)

As it is righly said, every dog has its day, but here every Auto wala has every day as his own day, what attitude Man, even Bill gates seems to be a simple man in front of them. They will make you feel that how dare you can ask them to drop you at a place which is not their concern ( n this is when YOU are paying). They’ll make you feel that you have disturbed their hectic regime or have wasted their time by stopping them n asking to drop you where you want to go n not them. Same goes for the Taxi wala’s, they’ll not give a damn to give a look or make a pass if you are standing on the wrong side or coming in their way. Even if you are looking ravishing (sounds cheap I know- they are taxi walas, but tabhi to its irony).

And last but not the least, sabse bada jhatka- I LOST my CELLPHONE :( yes an amazing set of Moto Ming worth 12k, was taken by a taxi wala when I ran to give him a change of Rs 13 (by begging people to give me a change of 100 bugs), but it cost me approx 1000 times, now you know the reason of me showing my love to them.
I was actually taken aback for few hours and did not believe that I have actually lost my cell. My favorite one, dad gave me, n I was completely in love with it. I ran like crazy to find that taxi wala on the same place, but in vain, neways gone is gone, but I have showered all my blessings on that A****** who wacked it, he might be facing the outcome anytime from now.
These were some major jhataks, baki chote mote current to milte hi rehte hai jaise, getting down at the wrong station, n then asking 20 autowalas to go to a place beyond their reach, getting a scolding from a traffic police for breaking the queue n getting in an auto (yes you have to stand in a queue to hire an auto..c I told u, its chota mota), getting involved in small fights with the taxi walas for not knowing the way to PM road n asking me, imagine ME Who has a pathetic road sense and woh bhi yaha jaha ek side east, dusari side west, n beech mein central, haan haan abhi its sounding so very simple, yaha aao tab pata chalega, when you see people are running like crazy, more of a ‘Bhed Chaal’.

A coin has two sides. I had good times as well, I stayed at my frend’s place in thane.
We’ve known each other for past 16 years now. She is Mrs. Pooja gupta, who saved my
Life by giving me shelter, food and TV. We went to some amazing places, the best was CourtYard in thane…WOW, beautiful place ( uski sundarta bayan karne baithi to kuch aur nahi likh paungi) n by that time poor stomach of mine was habitual of bahar ka khana, n my tongue was shouting for a change of taste ( please give me something other than that paneer gravy and dals at hotels).

Met Gunjan, finally he is settled for a change, his business is going fine, n his showroom (artifacts) is beautiful. Waise thanks gunjan for giving me your mobile along wid the connection. I can’t breath without one, mobile is my lifeline. Went to juhu, where the smell is nauseating. N still it’s so crowded, some things can never be explained.
Last week Suruchi came and we had a gala time, a nice get-to-gether of ICFAI gang. Mukti, Suruchi, Kriti, Gunjan and me. But my loved ones were missing, they were chilling in the scorching heat of Chennai, Miss u Guys like crazy.

The best news is still in bag, I got a very decent infact great accommodation- a flat- 2 BHK, furnished and all set to stay, with a nice cook, and amazing flatmates- courtesy Mr dev, through him I got to know them.Thanks, see how many people I am thanking. Things have started to fall in place, but Touchwood, n plz koi buri nazar mat lagana ( bit superstitious now, if you were at my place even you would have said the same thing)
Arrey on my work front. It was an eventful week, my office guys are cool, good to interact with and gossip around. Was bit nervous initially but now I guess getting hold of things. On Saturday attended a Super group (a creative group discussion technique for qualitative research) and it was a learning experience. Met some big shots. Will keep you posted on that in some other post.

Ab mere paas kya nahi hai, ek achi naukari, ek acha flat, ek achi cook ( my mom was never so happy after 28th april- the day I landed in Mumbai), do achi flatmates, ek ladaku roommate ( a close frend), and best wishes of my loved ones sitting far away from me spreading out in rajasthan n down south.
Thank you for being there, bearing with me, my tantrums, my mood swings and my ramayan gaatha for every day. At times more than physical presence the mental supports helps to a larger extent. Agar dono mil jaye to ‘ sone pe suahaaga’ waah waah my hindi is improving ya, thanks jiggu for scolding me when I used galat phrases n words. This is called constructive utilization of free hours at office :)

chalo then, wait till my next post-
more spicy one or may be boring, dont know, but phir bhi jes Wait :)

BE$T D@Y$ @T !CF@!

Time flies and when it does you want to hold it tight,
At times words cannot express the importance of moments you enjoyed,
Coz those moments are priceless to get you the Feel alive.

Those were the Best days of my life- the MBA at ICFAI,
Where I found friends of lifetime, with whom I can share and fight.

Where I learnt how to manage time,
Along with important fundas of Life.

Starting from a rented campus, shifting to our OWN ICFAI,
Brought us in a jungle with half built paths and stone piles.

But still we survived coz certain things You jes cannot avoid,
Those tough days of life taught us how to live with resources so light!!!!

Every semester brought us a new aim, we trying hard to attain,
Pressure of CGPA reduced semester by semester, till it vanished to give us only a formality to get it over.

We had it all from bunking classes to sit and chat,
To enjoy teasing each other for a guy/gal we even hate to look at.

Our campus life was different from others, with so many places to explore n to ponder,
‘Jungle mein mangal’ was the theme in initial days, with gossips all around about new couples and their plays.

At times more than a place it’s the association u make,
Those Addas, we found are still fresh in thoughts so plain.
Where bdays were more than fun, official names were jes meant for attendance,
Where comics n novels became more important than books to read,
Where you jes cannot resist to use words n symbols to express your anger n tease.

Where list of movies to watch grew week by week, sharing files at LAN became a routine,
Where passing comments on IP became a norm, hi-jacking other’s laptop was yet another form.

Where craving for good food like pizzas n puchkaas, got nurtured by the mess food so pale n Ghatiya,
Where White house came as rescue with pastries, cake n tea so ravishing so freshening n so absorbing,
Where Ammas of labour canteen shouted at us so tough, n we did not get a word she used, so rough.

Where our struggle for our future brought a turmoil, but finally placed timely due to our effective toil,
Where wait for the offer letters ended in time, n we now termed ourselves duly Employed.

Life never seemed so perfect, n so very tranquil,
When last sem exams n evaluations look so very formal.

When we were free to watch movies left right n centre, no one to bother n to torture.
When we planned our trips with no lecture posing a problem, as now it was all so very conventional.

These two years will be remembered as “one of the most beautiful picture on my life canvas’
Bringing all the colours of joy, sorrow, pain, love, friendship, struggle together in my memory’s compass.

We laughed we cried, we loved we fight, we shared we hide,
All those moments bring a feeling of being alive.
Sometimes we must be hurt in order to grow,
We must fall in love in order to know,
We must lose in order to gain,
We must remember the moments in order to cherish them again,
Simply because, lessons are best learned through pain.
This pain is different, pain of leaving things behind to know its importance in time.
To know its depth so sublime, To know its reach in our heart and mind.

$UMM@RY of L@$T D@Y$ Of C0LLEGE!!!!!!

Hey..well I thought instead of writing every trip of those last days of my college..why not jes write a summary n then a Finale...well I would love to write in detail but I guess this will do :)
Hmmm to begin with my exams...well WOW...wht an experience minimum studies at the nick of time..n not at all a bad performance ya..so the formality was over...they got over on 2nd Feb..n then wht???? the era of enjoyment began :)...n people around us were wishing HAPPY MBA :) Imagine..as if its an Occassion..well it was not less than an occassion....we went to places n Gosh!!!!!Hyderabad is blessed with some amazing extraordinary Theme based restaurants man...n we checked them..most of them I guess..but to be frank, even we were falling short to visit them all in our two yrs time..that too when our college was jes 30-35 odd kms away from the city ...n they are all tooooo good...exceptionally well maintained...

We went to TZP...( Note..we are not as slow as a tortoise..we had seen the movie jes after the realize...but as it is said united we stand divided we fall...so jes for jigyasa we went thr again...n TZP deserves tht...i loved the movie newys...) n then our chain of restaurant visits started..eating shopping vallapanti all were in our pockets...coz we knew that this time will never come again..we never gonna enjoy like this again..n be together like this with no tension of tomorrow....so wht??? we went to "Koyala"- seemed like a mujara theme where Mr gemini n Ms Jigyasa planned their UP-theme Restaurant...dnt worry will let u know whenever it is inaugurated...n all are cordially invited in advance...

Then we went to SERENGITY- An African Jungle Theme...uffff tht was a treasured experience....we celebrated our frenz bday jes by chance...n were given a royal treatment with a FREEEEEE chocolate cake n a beautiful rose..tht i smelled till its fragnance was gone....n what freaks were we to sing a bday song n ask for a treat when the waiter came...jes to pass the message that our friend is not treating us well with a CAKE :)...so they were at our rescue...with a yummy fokat ka chocolate cake n warm wishes from there manager ..hey but really nice on their part to serve us so well...we had fun...clicked some snaps..moved here n there in their restaurant to pose for a snap or two...n that Your highness n Your Majesty..was also WOW ( well they were the names given to wash room's ...)So in all a ravishing experience...n then to campus...some gupshup..some bday celebrations n next day planning for another trip...back to home n then ......goodbye time...
the toughest time....
we did not sleep the whole night coz we had to leave the campus at 5:15 in the morning, n we came late from the city, had to finish those last chores of packing n had to sit with the ones we gonna miss :( All said n done..but the moments we spent there were the most cherished moments..sometimes u dont even feel like writing them..coz words fall short for revealing their importance.....there was a feeling of nostalgia, a heavy heart, tears in eyes...n a wish to live that L!FE again....

Everything is so fresh in mind...
Wish Life could jes rewind...
Wish to Laugh play n rejoice.....
Once again become college guys....

So this was it...Don't feel like writin more...but Will try to say it all through a poem I wrote jes after coming form there...Its not tht great..with flowery language..but Yes its..straight from Heart...Direct Dil se... :)

Promises at Times Are Meant To be Kept!!!!!! :)

After a long time I am writing…actually did not get time to…..well in the last post I promised to tell u guys about my BI project n our trip to Dhola ri dhani…well after that trip there were so many trips that each one demands a separate blog… Newys…during this period…there was a complete era of happenings….

Lemme finish off with that BI project…It is often said-everything is well if it ends well….right..arrey by the way BI is Business Intellignece..sounds as if I have worked for some FBI agency…naaahhhhhhh but ya the task was equally difficult with The most difficult faculty to handle…’Sushama marathe’…ask some people here at my college n u will know the answer 4m their very first reaction….she called us anytime for her doubts to be solved, n her work to be done…but kudos…we did it all…n one fine day..we were done with it…but naah…how can she be not confused???? Finally her doubt aroused on the day for which we were planning before a month …..Our Farewell…. ( Ya we were leaving this college…n deserved a grand goodbye)

She called me at 3:30 or so n wanted me to come n meet her..coz she was not able to understand some data findings…n part of the data in her file was missing…..wow…what timing???... Girls being Girls…we were preparing for the party…Saree tying is not easy man…ask us…n then when only 2 hrs remaining to get ready….I was in no position to go n sit with her for an hour…so wht did I do???? ;)

Well hats off to my guts…I told her “ Mam I m getting ready for our farewell…n can’t come right now “ can u beat that??? Yes I literally said NO to her…n was very rude…I m not writing the exact words of the reason I gave…it is kind of ehhhh hmmmm heights…jo bhi…but then I mailed her somehow the required stuff with the help of our Screwed up net…but in vain..then sent a Pen-drive with a junior n FINALLY…..again Mission Accomplished….she got it…n she used it in her presentation for which she made us work like hell…n this was according to her a penalty that we paid for copying a project of our previous sem batch…he he he …..ya we , as it is, submitted the copied project n she being she..Smart…caught us…But everyone has done the same…our tough luck …we got caught coz another group also sumbmitted the same project…Imagine..same class same faculty…n same projects for two different groups…he he he..so a series of blunders…but to end it I got 50 on 50 in INTERNALS…..wah wah..hai na achievement….ladki mein dum to hai..wat say??? :)

And our Dhola ri dhani trip was a Hit!!! We hogged the food garnished with pure ghee ,(seldom in hostel) Clicked snaps…watched Katputli dance, Broke their DecorativeCart which we thought is the real one…played Dumbchirades, kicked each other hard on swings….n njoyed like never before…so all n all Amazing!!! :)

Our exams were from 28^th jan n Our Farewell was on 25^th JAN… so obviously farewell at this stage was more important…ask Mr Gemini..how we actually planned n shopped for the D-day n how he always had a sarcastic smile on his face….saying..gosh..U girls !!!!!!!!

But it was a Gr8..I was looking decent enough I guess…coz I got many compliments that day (blushing) and even saw the one I wanted to..our college Singer.….staring at me twice…he he he..so that means…well..ehhhh…got it na…

So after all the evaluations and exams for which I did not study at all…yaar final semester tha…n I was not able to make up my mind for studying..n I m proud of it coz without studying also I wrote the exam in the same way as I did for last three semesters….but this time I enjoyed…so BONUS….

This was jes the beginning …we were waiting for our exams to get over so that we can njoy those last days of college :-( N we did…sometimes u know that you cannot live without certain things…still you have to… cause changes are bound to occur and time demands you to adapt them….

Will soon post about those last days, my movie presentation, our lovely trips to city, photo sessions and then final Goodbye to ICFAI, the place where we all lived every moment to remember. :)

till then take care...

!MPLU$!VE FEELING!!!!!!!

Right now me sitting in my room…..trying to figure out what should I do?? Well Tomorrow I have 5 evaluations n believe me I haven’t even started for any. To be frank I think I won’t coz I jes don’t feel like..Came back 4m PUNJABI DHABBA…To be precise our only escape from the screwed up dinner of our lovely Mess…. especially on Sundays. This place is actually good when you need to have nice dinner for a decent price. Today I read few blogs so guess ussi ka asar hai..…..jes felt like writing…coz feeling very quirky….While coming back from the Dhabba n while walking on that dark empty road a sudden feeling of keeping quiet and hushed engulfed me…wanted to be with myself..it jes clicked that I haven’t been to our hostel terrace for quite a long time…I used to spent time there when I was upset, very happy or when I jes wanted to be me…..

Sundays are generally for lazing around n I did the same…after having my breakfast…around 11:30 came back to my room n felt like lying down…since then my thought process is at its peak…I was not thinking about something specific…but ya was quiet…n then felt asleep..Didn’t even realize when???? Got up at 12:55 to be precise through a message (Tata Indicom people are actually using hi-tech marketing strategies, coz their messages haunt me at 2:00 in the night sometimes) but to my surprise I had a sound sleep..n touchwood for that…went for lunch….then for tea…n even at tea while sitting on the terrace I was thinking something or the other…I don’t know how to put that in words..but today going out n sitting is taking me into my own world of thoughts……n I guess that was continued when I was walking down that empty road…on my way back to the hostel..I was hardly talking…. I m not sad I m sure of that but Ya..i m feeling different..ab what is this different???... is a million dollar question…..

Got a call for tomorrow’s Viva…yaikksss…I guess have to start..but not having the right mind set..chod yaar kaun karega abhi…mann nahi hai subah dekhte hai..wat say????yaar yeh padhai kissne banai..sachi ab bilkul feel nahi aata..kher…. Hmmm so where was I???? ya on me feeling different….everything is coming to my notice today…

While coming back to hostel after tea..I saw a laborer’s child crying at distant n rolling down in mud…even that caught my eyes n I felt like going there to find out the reason…pata nahi weird thing….
I was also thinking to myself…that things are gonna change drastically in the coming months….starting from me going home for 2 months after a long time n then joining my job..living in Mumbai etc etc etc…this is the time when I can actually be with myself..can be with my frenz and can actually be so free….. to be precise ;’Vallie’ is the word. Its not for the first time that this thought crossed my mind..but along wid this a lot of things were jes making a flash…at times words cannot express what you want to….
I was missing something…I was looking for something…and I am still in a hushed mood…n believe me this kinda feeling has come after a long time…..Things are running fine…but still…. You know what I want to do abhi...to go to a place where I can sit quietly….. watch stars ( I love that)…n jes listen to some very soft music…a place where there is an open sky….n me lying down with my thoughts…may sound filmy…but I really want to do that…I wanted to walk alone..to sit alone..to think alone….I guess I should paint/draw something…hmmm will do that…

Hey me feeling good after writing…I know I haven’t written anything worth…but I m feeling good…this quietness is actually soothing…I can hear my watch’s tick-tick in d room…shear silence….n I m loving this pin drop silence…. guess should stop writing…coz words are falling short for me being able to explain what I want to….newys but it helped..now I will draw something.
Hey thnks for bearing wid me…n would like to thank few… those who have started reading my blog…par yaar comment phone par nahi yaha diya karo…aaj kal logo ki badi fan following hoti hai…so atleast people like me would love to see few comments here on the site itself….n for those who were asking me about latest happenings of new year..well there are many..got my Offer letter…bahut jaldi mila..unexpected..so that was gr8…finished my BI project Finally (don’t even ask..thts a long story..uske liye ek alag blog dedicate karungi…kal k baad..tomorrow is the grand finale) went to Dhola ri Dhani...n finally got the tickets booked for all of us…isse zayada kuch batane ko hai nahi abhi…well I guess abhi ke liye its enough…
Started writing a blog with a different tone n finished with a different one..now that is the effect of Spontaneity and writing helps…
Will soon post another…on my BI project n our trip to Dhola ri dhani..till then cya…

Bonne Annee- Hope a Spanking One!!!

Wondering about the title…well I m trying to learn some new French words these days….yeah n I m njoying this… Bonne Annee means Happy New Year.
To keep up the track I thought - new year deserves a post…
First thing first- chalo bujho to jane …. According to my blog’s display name what should I be busy reading with the dawn of new year ?????
Hint- Virgo
Yeah 2008 Astrological changes.
I jes love reading about astrology, numerology and stuff…lately I came to know about 12 houses of the Zodiac Wheel. Each house has a unique environment and meaning.
Basically these 12 houses tells u about different aspect of luck, behavior, success etc etc

First 4 houses ( personal houses) includes – self, possessions, communications and siblings and the 4th Home n roots.

The next four (social houses) encaptures creativity n children, services n health, marriage n partnership, Death n Rebirth.

The last four (universal houses) includes mental exploration, career, friends n group, Karma n spiritual.
Now After this class of astrology ( I know for some, it would be like attending a boring lecture n waiting to get it over) I m thinking that I should rate 2007 with each of these houses…wat say ( yeah I m goona describe 2007 monthly---‘copyright-amateur’- jisko signal milna tha I guess usko mil gaya ho…so plz aage no ilzaam..coz I hv given u the copyright)…let me try….n I m enjoying this :

To begin with Last year’s New yr Celebration
Jan 2007- In pune…awesome !! jigyasa, Kriti n me along wid some other frenz enjoyed shaking our legs to the beats of new year party with the happ crowd of Pune…so in all a fun-filled affair…was cool n I think I can place it in the 11 House of frenz n grp.

Feb 2007- This I remember was the month of planning for jigyasa n me, exams approaching n we decided that this time no playing around…halaki we woke up late as always..kyunki abhi tak MBA for me proved an advanced version of CCP that I learnt diligently during my engineering (CCP is Cut Copy Paste) but we were satisfied by our hard work ( kitne dino baad khud ke liye hard work word use kiya hai ) so would club this month with the 6th house Service n Health which includes work, education n hard work.

March 2007- Well Well well all n all a professional month. Industry exposure with one of the hard core FMCG co. n my experience with all tempo walas n upcountry market..Frito lays ( gosh I learnt a lot of marketing gimmicks used by Sales Officer ;) )
N how can I forget my entrepreneur venture with network marketing so it’s a Third House that includes change in day to day activity, learnings new ventures.

April 2007- Got acquainted with SIP..uff difficult….n Our Sem results…hey both of us improved our CGPA n was a good feeling. Ehhhhhhh kinda achievement so may be 1st House- Self.

May 2007- Ahhhh my first cheque ( my first part time earning) n finally that khadoos Boss took my final presentation ( jiske liye usne mujhko bahut nachaya- k square n jis din meri pendrive uske laptop mein jaa kar corrupt ho gayi- tha na woh khud corrupted)
But kuch to hua so 2nd House- Possession.

June 2007- Mast ghar mein aish…dnt ask wht value that break had. Lots n lots of gud food after SIP’s crash crunch n delayed meals. Fultoosh aalas, weight gain ( fit), jhakas photo-shoto etc etc …so 4th House- Home n roots.

July 2007- Back to pavilion…to Hyderabad, our campus, n was a good feeling to be back on toes after the needful, though took some time to get into the time table. Can put it into 12th House back to my karma.

August 2007- Festive season, planning of going home at Rakhi, when we were 27 people at one place after a long long time n that emotional feeling of being together with ur family was great. Goes to hmmmm 7th House- social events n relationships.

September 2007- he he he as always my bday n exams, (choli daman ka saath since 5 yrs) but dis time my bday overhauled the exam fever, n I was dragged into mud, was bathed with stinking Dal..yaiikkkkkkksssssss..my jeans is still lying unattended in d balcony so cant put it in any house exactly but ya can be fitted in 5th House of fun, gifts and n challenges ( exams).

October 2007- Don’t ask a tensed month, actually a process of shaping my career started in dis month- Placement, interviews, no serious classes but brainstorming. Well struggle make u strong n hence 9th House of Mental exploration.

November 2007- the battle continues, no relief n to add on the pain, I missed marriages of my very close fren n sis…heart breaking,nothing happening, trauma etc etc so definitely 8th House of Death n Rebirth.

December 2007- Mixed , emotionally low but professionally a feat, but the best thing that happened was ME placed finally with good offer, so my career shaping n what a relief!!!! So definitely 10th house of Career.

Uff finally Mission Accomplished, great job, now I know I will never forget these houses n here my sphere of knowledge increases when it comes to astrology. Hence this was a crash course/ summary through a different topic of my interest of the year 2007…wat say…wat about 2008…well new job, new city, new n content feel of being independent financially n then u never know what you have for u in store but I hope I manage things n be successful in the work culture and then I thought of a line which I think is true for most of us: One of the finest morale boosters you can have, goes like this- “The best thing that ever happened to me Is Me, Myself”. So kabhi kabhi isko kaam mein le lenge…

Chalo Hope all of us have a rocking year ahead….cya…

Po$T PL@CEMENT El@t!ON

12TH December
Finally the day is here when I can feel the feeling of being EMPLOYED… as I promised to post one soon after my PPT Blog..so here I go….
yeah as rightly said patience pays…yes it does..still cant believe that I got an option to choose a company when people are actually waiting for one. Lets take it one by one…..Yesterday 11th December was the day when at 12:05 to be precise I got a call from one of my batchmates that The Results are about to come for the Company called Mphasis whose process was on Wednesday and result was suppose to come on Friday(48 hours according to them), but as it is said ‘all good things take some time’…and so it took ample time…. so much so..that those three days I was not able to sleep..was lost in my own thoughts with a scary feeling of returning to square one….. the result came out on Tuesday…n I stood for good half an hour outside the faculty’s cabin along wid others..and only one thought coming in my mind..now what????

Was actually blank…how will I take it….n then finally the mail opened..thnk God…. Our Net connection works so well with the urgency of work and works when required ( ask us) I got to know that out of 14 students, 12 have been selected…n as always I was not very sure (though I wanted to be) and for the first time I realized that u see what u want to c… as I was skeptical I was not able to find my name in the list and that feeling was killing I swear…..my name was at 11th number and u need to scroll it down in order to c….ufffffffffff that was the time when I got back into my senses…n eventually could take it as being selected..msgd Jigyasa, Mr Gemini n Thompson..n called DAD…..n that voice is still with me :) He sounded so satisfied..ke kept quiet for few seconds…n said..Thank You Beta…I had tears in my Eyes..n I knw Pop’s was also on the same side jes not being so expressive..then I called MOM…oh my goshhhhh…she actually jumped and shouted like any other kid….they were more than tensed…I shared each n every feeling of mine wid them…n that too every single day. I have a Blessed relationship wid them n Touchwood for that…That is what I treasure the most in my life….then what…called Kriti, chachu, chuha, rasgulla, swati di, ankur and the list continues…Here, all my frenz were having class :( , wanted them to come asap coz I myself still haven’t reacted at all :(

I was roaming here n there, talking over phone..jigyasa was calling me continuosly but me already over phone then I called n she on second call…nothing happening..then I saw her running down in search of me…Ahhh we finally met… hugged each other :) ..….then uncle (jigyasa’s dad) called n talked to me…he said such encouraging words..n blessed me that I could not control n tears finally rolled down my cheeks……jigyasa n me were waiting for the other two to come…waiting for their so called work to finish..some miscommunication…reactions…..mood offs…crying shying n then all set….sometimes things jes do not happen at the rite time but at least ends rightly….then what I went back to my room n guess what??? What should be my first action plan….?????? Yeahhhhhh tickets to Homiwood…Ajmer…got them booked ....by 4…n here comes the second confirmation…..4:17 to be precise..i got a call 4m Major chand…that I made it to Research International too, whose process was on Friday…n I was re-interviewed by them on 10th night… N hey here I was with two best offers..One in IT company n one in Global Research firm… called back Mom n dad…. the feeling was overwhelming..n that forced me to change my status msg in Gtalk that said…” One in hand is better than two in Bush!!! Naahhhh Two is Awesome…Finally Placed n placed at the right place!!! “.

Today when I look back..all those days of tension, trauma, negativity, thinking what went wrong comes as a flash in front of me..and reflects that..its not YOU..its Ur Day that makes the difference. I prepared alike for every company I sat for…was being very selective, was giving my best but nothing was happening the way I wanted to…n here comes the day..when the sun is smiling at me…when I can say that I Rock!!!! N yes I have Done it…feeling Relaxed!!!!! Still that feeling is taking time to sink in….n hey hey Thanks to all my frenz who’ve been so tolerant wid my mood swings and have supported me…n sorry for the delay frenz…I knw u ppl haven’t celebrated yet…but now we will n can have a blast!!!!...New year is ahead…n no one is here to stop Us!!!! So way to go n rejoice…n what more can I ask for…I m going Home finally on 18th Dec… All is Well if it Ends Well….cheers

Will this Endurance Pay????

7th December

Today is the most imp day for me. I am anxiously waiting for the final result of Mphasis..n rite now sitting in seminar hall n waiting for TATA TECHNOLOGIES, most awaited company for which I did not go to my sis marriage and yet another company research international will be starting at 10:30
There are so many things going on in my mind…yesterday I was not feeling that gr8…cold n fever..was in my room the entire day…n by evening my headache was taking a step ahead….lying down helped but the continuous thought process did not….n I could not help…
On Wednesday I appeared for MPHASIS-EDS company with loads of doubts in my mind..about the company, about the package..profile was good enough..no doubt…but was skeptical about the company n the package….cant explain why I was so much concerned for package…I know I don’t have to repay a loan..but I have a very imp thing to take into hands after my job..and that is my priority…neways…in all that hap-hop…I submitted my resume..n then talked to Swati di about the company..she assured me of the profile as well as the company..so I was little bit more towards being serious for it..but still not that confident..finally I decided to give a good shot at GD and then later on negotiate during interview..not advisable I know..but that was the thing that helped me to move on…to be honest. The GD topic was vague…Passive Smoking is equally harmful;
I spoke, will give myself 6/10 as compared to my earlier performance and then got a call that I have cleared GD..interview went well and as soon as I reached room I got a call from one of the placement reps that I’ve been called by the HR lady of the company. Finally got the news that 99 percent have made it..but still some formalities remaining from their TL’s n that will take some time…lets c…I m actually finding myself in a very confused state..where to go how to choose..I guess time will have the answer for me…cant’t write in much detail abhi…these people can start anytime..but one thing for sure..I would luv..if I can make through both the companies today as well…I know bit greedy :) but I wanna be very sure for what I am Opting..lets c…I guess Research is not a bad option..this field is of my interest and I guess the package is also good….Goshhhhh…can’t I have a crystal ball in which I can c …what is in store for me…this patience is tough to keep…n is killing me…
Hey these people have started…I guess should show them some decency…n close my laptop…till then please pray that I get the best n I will keep u all posted…abhi tata

I Fall n I pick myself...I despair yet I believe...yeah tough one

When things are out of your control n u feel so helpless believe me it pains. Even if u try hard to smile u can’t.

I thought I would not be able to handle the stress and have to compromise for things that means a lot to me…but finally I succeeded having a middle path….confused???? Well to be very frank even I don’t know how to put it…Okie lemme try!!!!

I realized that I was moving towards things that would lead me nowhere….n was being extremely negative, was not ready to accept things which were so obvious and made so very clear by others all the time….. coz certain things when u don’t get even after asking for It ( when it should not be asked for) they are not meant for u…or I can put it like this its easier when you accept things ….Its easier said than done believe me….

I was awfully upset for last few days :( was trying to come over things that were piling up for so long and came as a flank to me. I was trying to figure out Y always me?? Sounds cliché but this question is the first one to creep in your mind when things don’t work the way you want them to. It was not placements !!!!! It was something else that was bothering me.
Tough to explain…but one thing I realized for sure; that in all this crap, this sentimental traumas, mood swings I had lost myself, my priorities, my interest and that too for those who don’t even……well want to fill up the blank but I guess its fine like that :)
I was happy enough to have a penchant for everything I do, be it painting, singing, dancing, writing, cooking, sports, talking etc etc…you name it n I can do it…or atleast tried a hand on it ( writing this boosts up my morale :)) but I don’t remember the time when I motivated myself to pursue them as passionately as I used to….My frenz called me chatar patar, mirchi, nautanki n wht not…but lately realized that coz of too much analysis n not allowing this to let go…..I was becoming a completely different person…
It is said that – More you run after things more they run from you…n that’s true…I have to allow things to happen…to face them n to avoid things which are not worth giving a thought or time…..It took me some time but I learnt that its not always important to be right in every aspect…n you should not keep yourself so bounded always…..mann hai to hai….

You should have seen me few days back…I was Quiet, n tensed…didn’t even spoke to my near n dear ones, wanted to but did’nt…not even followed my schedule….and was thinking hw does it makes a difference to anyone…how does it matter?? everyone is busy with their chores…but that matters…n if not to anyone… to me it does…….I wanted to figure out things…n I needed time…till yesterday I was trying way too hard…..Thanks to Ms Kriti Palawat…she has all ears for me..to support me out n out…..I have started being myself for a change…after a long time….its quite possible that people around me must me thinking what a weirdo…till yesterday she was not even responding properly and today all happy n gay…but trust me it took a lot of effort…a LOT means a LOT…

Bhai called up today…n he read my blogs ..he was like…"di do u write only when u r upset????…coz this is not u" :) He said…can’t u apply Jo Hoga Dekha Jayega wala attitude…. Well he was trying to explain his part…cute :) ….n that answered my question….
May be things not taking a right turn, but you can make them turn the rite way through your thoughts…..and your attitude….
No more trials no more if’s….jes being myself will help me…I know…..
I should write often…not only when I m upset…coz I guess my Bro will get upset then; he he he…He actually sounded concerned…for her elder sis …well good for me…will soon post another one…something there in my mind….till the time come….u all njoy….cya...

The Writing phase leading to Phrases

18 Nov 07

Jes wrote some phrases....time pass u c


1) A line that is drawn between friendship and relationship has no dimension if even one of them does not know the geometry of emotions.


2) Life for me has been so kind, always being so mysterious, leaving everything for me to explore.


3) Love, can never be expressed when there is fear of denial and can never be felt when there is fear of self-denial/prudence/caution.


4) An emotional person is successful in the ever lasting phase of life called RELATIONS.

PPT- Pre Placement TiZZiness

16th Oct'07

Well I was avoiding this but I guess Writing helps a lot..when you jes want to be quiet and know that cant explain certain things to anyone. My tone do reflect a feel of negativity… rite??? But I guess its jes the sign of prolonged wait for something that is The most important…PLACEMENT… Not actually worried about it but ya want it to happen as soon as possible…everyone wants that…Very happy for my frenz who have been placed and who have been so anxiously waiting for us to be placed to have a blast !!!!! people back home, old frenz all waiting for D day…n moreover our decisions for going HOME for Diwali..I hope I can figure out something by then….

Every morning when I wake up I have a different feel….incomparable from the previous day…n believe me I m enjoying this ride like heaven in the clouds of thoughts so very weird, obnoxious, and at times positive…( hey bit too poetic he he he) but to be true….till date I have never had that utmost positive strike…that you generally have at times when u go for something very important and I guess that will only come on the Day that is MINE….that is only for me, meant for me :) even writing this put a Smile on my face…

I must say that these experiences will stay with me forever, starting from answering those stupid questions of some straight forward people…to questions from those high profiled recruiters…Gosh at times they are devil and at times…. Ask those who have been placed…u’ll get all kinds of adjectives associated wid them…depending upon whether they have selected u or rejected u….but on a very serious note…every time your convictions are questioned you rediscover yourself…and that is what ;may be I should look forward to….people might think that I m depressed or under pressure but I know I m not..its another side of the coin…that is a deep rooted thought process that could either give me a boost or jes give a subdued profile…coz at times I jes don’t say anything but have lot of things going on in my mind…Ya at times I want someone to be there to understand that and jes be there wid me…But I have realized that for me deviation is possible only if I want…n that is a TYPICAL VIRGO…. No one can ever bring me out of my reverie, or thought process if I don’t want that myself….analyzer….the term sounds great but at times I actually have to prod my self..that chill..dont have to think that much…..but I guess…virgos can’t help it..atleast that’s the answer I give to myself…

Since two days Jigyasa n me are out an out supporting each other…I know sounding cliché…n both of us actually don’t need that..but I guess sometimes you dnt even know what u need…she came to me last nite…n jes hug me……saying will miss you like hell after leaving from here….I m bad at expressing to people-that how important someone is for me…I take it in a very different way..cant explain that…but I have already started feeling that so called wind of secede with the ones that have become a part of my routine, my thoughts, my concern…but that is what life is….n its all part n parcel of the game …though writing that hurts :(

I guess should end with a contented feel that the day is not that far when I would be earning, spending, planning all my expenses on my own…n could afford a gift or two for someone I feel like gifting he he he…..
Chalo..hope to post the next one….When I m termed as EMPLOYED :)

JAUNT- My Home trip

Yeah…going HOME!!!!!!!! To even write this is an amazing feeling!!! believe me….especially for me!!!!!! I wanted a break..big time and was waiting for this day. I know how I have spent the last week..anxiously waiting for THE DAY….
Well I had my doubts to catch my flight on time…and I am saying this coz there were so many things in my way from college to airport :-) like rain ( raining like cats n dogs), arranging the bike, the odd timing permission, to Rescue the bike before 4 in the morning, Petrol availability and what not???? Putting all the things at their right place is actually tough out here with everyone having some problem or the other……gosh..its okay..all good things take their own sweet time…..

And this time it did :-). I reached the airport just in time!!!!! Thanks to the smooth driving of Mr. Gemini, though it started raining and we didn’t know the way, we still managed to reach at 5:35 A.M when my flight was at 6:00. After checking in and the security check, the airport staff at the time of my boarding called out on their walky talky – “ 5 short”- that was the time when I realized, how timely I entered. Science n technology has done WONDERS!!!! And when they get connected with your urge…..don’t ask, they are the Savior…. I was dying to reach my place, an being there in 3 hrs instead of normal 32 hrs journey was an amazing feeling. Jaipur experience was fun… I actually felt touched when all my frenz out there called me right aftet I landed to enquire about my plans, when to meet etc etc…Met Himanshu, Ankur, and Pooja. She actually planned everything. We went to our favorite place…Indian Spice at G.T ( a hangout, where we always landed for E.T-eye tonic :-) for us G.T <=>E.T ) had a good breakfast along with our chit chat and gossips with our spicy remarks- “accha..I never knew this…” as always :-) then went with ankur to ajmer…and those 8 days..WOW !!!!!!!! they jes flew away…
This Rakhi was unforgettable. All the time I was humming our common traditional song that all we cousin sing when we are back together at our place…
Dukh ke din beete re bhaiya ab Sukh aayo reeeee…

Had the busiest days, most tiring days and enjoyable hours and the best part was my gang of cousins, who pampered me like a ‘SMALL SIS’ and were always around to make me feel the BEST. 23 people at one place..Man!!!! it was actually a marriage rehearsal for Princy di..filled with emotions, chaos, shouting, masti, music and difficult situations to handle… In short my trip was a Total Blast!!!!

Then what????? Every good thing has an end :-(, came back on 2nd night.......stayed at my L.G’s..hey must say..they are one of the nicest people I’ve ever seen. Touchwood for that!!!!
Came back to college on 3rd morning in a faculty bus…Uff....yet another experience traveling with Staring faculty…questioning with their looks… Y u Students come everywhere..THIS Bus is Ours..he he he.. Met my frenz, all enquiring about stuff I got for them. Two days from then, went to city to meet jigyasa n Sachin, was really looking forward to meet both of them, she actually called 10 times to ask when am I coming…on the other hand HAD to convince Mr. Gemini to accompany….imagine!!!! Must say he pulls the trigger at the right time to get his work done, through his stupid terms and conditions every time. Finally went to Pizza Hut, teased the stuarts, enjoyed and came back to college in a jet speed Bus…overall an Exult experience from 25th to 4th SEP.

hey guys...no doubt blogging came suddenly to me..but I used to write a lot during my engineering..this post of mine is from my old collection. I generally prefer writing when I m sad or in a very different mood..so u will always find tht shrouded touch of my thoughts in my writings...this poem was written when two most important persons in my life were not beside me.. n I was goin through a tough phase..so jes pen down wht I felt...hope its not tht depressig..though I knw it is..but thts me wen I m way too Sad :)

Life for me has been full of experiences,
Some which were cheerful n some,full of grievances.

When I try to find answers of sorrows,
All I have is sight of Blank tomorrows.

My past offers me tears of pain,
I wish I could come out, but in vain.

Like others me too deserves to be happy n gay,
To live in the colors of love n Care.

But seldom do I find Someone Listening to my heart,
Left alone is my lonliness, tearing me apart.

For Days and nights I wait n Pray,
To lit up my life through the brightest Ray.

When I now look for things, I deserve,
What I get is ,some explanations n terms.

Relationships for me were so one sided,
Me Waiting, Me giving n still left unanswered.

The stage of my life is now so empty,
Where characters I want are always so anti.

I wish I have all I missed, Those years of my life,
I wanted to cherish.

I pray to God to end this phase,to have some people who set ablaze,
The FIRE of Joy, The SPRING of Love...
And above all the things I Deserve.

This contemporary Look!!!

Well Well finally I made up my mind to actually Blog...n this is all coz of a nautanki named Mr. Gemini.... who left no option other than to continue with this...I am not as good as him..neither at writing nor at complementing..but it was really nice to get a well created blog for myself as a gift :-) so, eventually I posted some of my previous writings....hopefully I can carry this forward.

Who knows........ few years down the line google people might approach me to add this blog site to the first search page of the most famous Blog writers.....he he he he...jes kidding... jes pampering myself in order to continue.....

A surge of Thoughts!!!!!

1st August:-Wednesday

Well..nothing else to do, MCIS class- don’t ask Way too boring, hence thought of just juggling with words. After a long- break, me writing something…Gosh!! what a boring presentation going on…I don’t know what is the use of coming to class………………..
eh ha…attendance of course. Didn’t get a proxy this time as well..Bad luck L

Today I am feeling a bit different. Don’t want to write the old stuff, day’s happening, but just some thoughts crossings my mind. Since few weeks me having a mix feeling of joy & sadness. Hell lot of mood swings and deep intense thoughts have kept me engrossed lately. Don’t know why, but my reverie level has reached a higher stage. I felt bad for things that hardly matters to others, I felt lonely when no one was bothered to notice it, I felt left out, I was worried for things that weren’t my type on friend’s part. I think I have developed a feeling of keeping things to myself a lot and at times it troubles me a lot. I know I can share with my close ones, but somehow I just don’t feel like, because even after sharing, I get an impression that I’ve not been understood. Ya I know sounding way too philosophical and cliché but this is what I feel. At times I feel happy about the friends
I have who care for me and as soon as I do that, something happens that wakes me up from that serene feeling and force me into a bleak atmosphere of being lonely and asks me to just be self-dependent.

Lately I have observed people being so different at different times. Its actually unpredictable and at times really difficult to digest. I know myself, as a person, my close ones, my frenz affects me a lot, 90% of my mood swings and behaviour is due to their day to day behaviour and I am actually trying to work it out. Eventually I am the one who keep thinking about the stuff that easily go unnoticed by others who are responsible for it.
I know I am a sensitive person but I was always able to strike a balance earlier between sensitivity and practicality, but these days, don’t know, just not able to.

Kriti called so many times..that is the best part, but still me ot able to come-up with effective expressive talks. Nowadays I feel that I should actually start writing about various situations and people’s behaviour during those situations (I hope and I know I can
Do tht in future J )

I am learning a lot, how a person can be so casual with things, how a person ca just ignore what happens around him/her so eeficiently. How when in group of friends, one can ignore someone near and dear to them ( so called) not in a great mood and enjoy themselves, how can a person who do not deserve even slightest of your sacrifice, your attention gets a big piece of cake and how can a friend change his/her priority for others who are not at all worth it???

Why always people who are wrong get right things?
This is sounding very depressing, but can’t help it, these thoughts are creeping in, everyday.
Jigyasa n me talk a lot these things and always lead to same conclusion in different ways.
Some people become important to you and you just can’t let it go and hence that hurts. Gosh!!! I can be so negative at times, but the fact is I always try to stay away from hurting anyone, to keep everyone around me HAPPY!!! Not trying to be modest but I actually try Hard, but then believe me its not at all easy. Anyways while writing all this I didn’t even realized that even the Q and A session is over and my group has already asked a question.
Ohhh I was so engrossed. This clumsy fellow has started taking the attendace by his own from yesterday, so o proxies, SAD !!! L Really Sad. Hey I talked to Pooja today, tried calling her yesterday after her senti message, but in vain, Today we had a half an hour talk and it was good hearing from her. She has made me feel so special lately that I actually wonder what I have done. I was always the same for her. But to be true,an amazing feeling …..Seriously. Friends for me are ‘THE PRIORITY’ and when you miss someone, when you are not together, when you are far off, you actually feel the pain and feel the importance of that person. I just hope I can always be there for my frenz whenever they need me, can’t see them sad. Okay now I should give-up, attendance is over and I can write more and more.

Lets see...

Gosh I know tough to handle the readings na....great going..thanks